A lot has happened to me in the past couple of weeks. So much that it feels as if I traveled into another dimension but I don't like it at all. Basically someone broke into my car and stole my backpack containing my laptop, external hard drive, iphone, mp3 player, sketchbook, a Batman pocket knife, and a TMNT comic book. I was so hurt and felt destroyed when I saw what happened. And right outside of a comic book store of all places. Everything I was working on was gone. I had nothing left. My wife was very disappointed, probably more so than me. She stopped sleeping next to me and did not even want to touch me. I thought what she was doing was terrible but now I completely understand. I was already upset with myself before I even told her what happened. I had to stop and step outside of myself to see what was going on. All the things I see in common were all comic book related, childish, and selfish things involved. Right then I saw that I need to grow the fuck up. My wife does not want to be with a boy, and I cannot be a boy in his thirties. It was cute when I was in my twenties but now I am a head of a household with 3 people depending on me. Of course I pay the bills with no problem but being a man takes more than that.
I look at my late father and saw how he was. He of course enjoyed certain childish things like anybody else but he never let it overwhelm him which was exactly what I was letting happen to me. I have to do what it takes to grow up especially if I could ever get my wife back. I realized that I have to change myself for myself not just for her otherwise I will never change. The easiest thing I am giving up is comic books. It is not a problem because I actually went my entire twenties without collecting or reading them. Only have been doing that recently. The big thing to give up is buying stuff for myself, mainly action figures. If it is embarrassing to admit to people that I do that then I shouldn't be doing that at all. It is a small start but I feel that it will be a major change. I will replace that void with strengthen my relationship with God. Without Him, I will not be better.
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